When Perfection Keeps Us Silent
Dear friend,
I’ve been wanting to start a personal newsletter for a long time. In fact, the idea popped into my head last year in January, but then life got busy and new projects happened and this and that. You know, all those excuses.
But if I’m really truly honest with myself, the real thing that kept me from doing it was the fear of messing it up.
You know how it is. So many of us are obsessed with being perfect. Not a strand of hair out of place. No lipstick stains on our teeth. When the Instagram Gods decided that a 100% perfectly curated Instagram feed was no longer in fashion, manufactured spontaneity (re-branded as “intentional imperfections”) cropped up instead. And there’s a reason why, during my corporate days as a recruiter, the number one response when we asked candidates about their weaknesses was, “Well, I’m a bit of a perfectionist.”
We’re all holding ourselves, and each other, to impossible standards.
I could say that here as well. “I’m a bit of a perfectionist”, so that’s why I haven’t done this email thing yet. I’m waiting to be 100% perfectly perfect.
It began with researching the right platform. Should I publish on Mailchimp, or Substack so others can find me more easily? Is this just for my friends or do I want it to be for anyone? That kept me up for weeks.
Then it was design. If I’m creating an email newsletter, maybe I need to get a nice logo with my name or something. If I do that, I have to hire a designer, but before that I need to figure out what my personal brand actually is. Oh, then that brings me to the question - what do I actually talk about?
I spiralled. In my need to find the perfect way to express my thoughts, I muzzled myself instead.
This is universal to most of us, but it’s something that rings true, especially for women and BIPOC folks (Black, Indigenous, and People of Colour). We’re held to different standards, told we have to be Obama-level perfect if we want to get anywhere. And the pressure starts young.
One year, I got my thirteen year old cousin a bullet journal for Christmas along with nice markers. She was so happy since she’d wanted to start a bullet journal for months. When I asked her later in July if she was still journalling, she replied, “No, I haven’t used it yet. I’m too scared I’m going to ruin it.”
She’s too scared she’s going to ruin a book with blank pages...
The reality is: so many of us are afraid. We’re so afraid of making a mess that we prefer to keep the pages blank instead. We’re afraid we won’t live up to the Instagramified version of ourselves, so we just won’t post. We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing in the wrong way, so we stay silent.
I’m reading Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott, a classic book about writing. She says:
Perfectionism means that you try desperately not to leave so much mess to clean up. But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived.
Life is supposed to be messy. Art is supposed to be messy, at least the best kind of art. And you can’t do anything worthwhile without starting.
So to get back to the beginning: I’m starting a newsletter.
I don’t know exactly what it will become or how it will evolve, but it will be stories like this. Life lessons learned through entrepreneurship. Reflections on business, careers, personal growth, community, culture, and belonging for people who fall outside the mainstream. People like you and me.
Stories will fit and flex and sometimes not fit into any common theme. It’s an experiment. It may become a big Mess.
But at least there won’t be any blank pages.
Thank you for being here, friend. If this interests you, please subscribe below.